Kelsey Finds a Family

As new PMR foster parents, we learned of a Yorkie girl who was in such poor health that she had stopped coming into season. The breeder had nothing but hurtful, ugly things to say about her and begrudged even what little food she ate. As soon as I heard of this poor dog’s plight, I forcefully said, “GET HER OUT!!!” and bring her to us. We got our wish and received a phone call that Jan and secured her freedom and we could come pick her up. John couldn’t even wait thirty minutes for me to leave work before running out the door to go get her. I walked in the door that evening and John came around the corner with a frightened little girl in his arms and said, “Look at this face and tell me she isn’t beautiful.” How could I do that? We named our new little frightened girl Kelsey.

Kelsey came to us with a blank “no one is home” look in her eyes and panic in her heart at the thought of being alone. She also had a horrible cough, broken, decayed teeth and tumors in the body that had to nurse so many puppies during her eight years. We took our newest charge to see the vet and discovered that she had an enlarged heart which, because it had never been treated, caused residual damage and enlargement to all her other organs. Our search for the best diet, lifestyle and medical treatment began.

Soon, Kelsey was learning about the world around her. She discovered grass, fresh, clean water and soft warm beds. She loved to pretend she was Goldilocks and try out every bed in her new home. Her favorite bed was the big bed snuggled in the midst of her new family. She also discovered mommy’s shoes. For reasons only Kelsey can understand, she gathers up my shoes and cradles them in her bed. I stepped out of the shower one day to find Kelsey sleeping soundly next to the tub with a pile that included a blanket, my jeans, my shirt, my socks, my shoes and other items of clothing I had just removed. My first thought was that she was trying to build a mommy. Because Kelsey gravitates towards my sneakers, I bought a second pair so I could give her the first. She insists on having the pair most recently worn, if not the pair on my feet. Kelsey craves attention and affection, but is still shy when she receives it.

Kelsey has discovered something since coming to live in our home. She has discovered ownership. She now knows what it is to have a turn. She now knows what it is to have something that is only hers. For Kelsey, it is her squeaky jack. She carries it around with pride, and doesn't like for the other dogs to have that one thing. When we go on walks, I have to watch her closely because she has a habit of picking up trash or rocks and just carrying them around. It isn't that she wants whatever it is she has picked up. Kelsey just wants to "have" something. It is the first time in her life that she has had the chance and almost anything will do. Kelsey clamped onto a flattened out A&W to-go cup the other night. It took John and I two minutes to get it away from her, because she held it so tightly. She didn't want that dirty old cup. She didn't even know what it was. But it was "hers" and she didn't want to give up something that was hers. When I give Kelsey a bath, she holds a toy in her mouth the whole time. Why? It brings her comfort. She picked up the sponge I use to clean the tub one day and I traded her for a toy. From then on, she takes a toy to the tub with her.

Kelsey sleeps in the big bed with her family at night. She still has nightmares sometimes, but she doesn't cry out. I usually know when her past is haunting her because her breathing changes and her heart races. Kelsey sometimes wakes up and sniffs my face and hair and gives me a few kisses before settling back down a little closer to me to sleep. She just needs to check that she is still safe and loved and bestow a few kisses, then she quietly goes back to sleep.

At first, I just wanted this poor little girl to be safe. Then, I wanted her to be chosen. To be wanted by someone, well, actually, more than one someone. Then, I worried myself sick that I wouldn’t make the right decision and we would send her away with the wrong family and she would return to that still, small space within where no one could reach her. Finally, I knew, Kelsey is ours and we cannot let her leave. So, now our once small family has grown and we have Kelsey to claim as our own, and things seem once again somehow right.

The biggest and most important lesson Kelsey has learned since gaining her freedom is about family. My heart swelled with pride and joy the first time I witnessed Kelsey showing care, concern and affection for the other foster dogs. Kelsey is beginning to understand that she is family and we are her family – that she will be taken care of and she wants to take care of her family. She crawls in a bed with a frightened new arrival and offers comfort and reassurance. Kelsey knows all too well about being afraid and alone. Now, Kelsey, who still has so much to learn and experience about life, has become Kelsey the teacher who shows the next little girl that she is safe and loved.

Life has a way of refusing to stop, even when you don’t know how to keep going. Although each one seems so fragile, I have learned that deep down inside a mill dog is strength, for without it, they wouldn’t survive long enough to teach us all what amazing potential they possess. I see it in Kelsey.

Thank you, PMR, for trusting us with the most precious of lives and for understanding when one comes along with whom we just can’t part. Kelsey is home and our family, like each of our little mill girls, is healing. Chandra, the Yorkie who started it all, would be proud.

Dana Bates

Proud mommy to Chandra Leigh, Charlie, Lexi Anne, Kelsey and Morgan

PMR Foster mom to McKenna